Dare to Dance

Lotanna, what do you think you are doing here?” my mum asked me as she dragged me by my ear away from the small gathering of children. She only called me by my full name when she was really angry. All the kids watched as I was dragged away. I’m sure they thought I was in big trouble. I never hung out with them, now at least, they knew why. In my neighbourhood, the children usually gathered every evening to play, talk and most importantly, dance. I was 8 years old at that time and I wasn’t allowed to play with the hood children. My parents, my mum especially, felt I would get corrupted. Corrupted in every way, my English would be mixed with vernacular. That was unacceptable. 

“Loty, it’s either Queen’s English or Igbo, nothing else”, my mum would say. 

She was the only one who called me Loty, I really liked it. Others just called me Lota or Lotanna. I was born shortly after my maternal grandfather died, hence, my name. It simply means “remember the father.” My mum must have really loved her father. Alright, back to the corruption idea; they felt I would learn to be dirty by playing in the sand. They felt I would start to think and talk in a less intelligible way. They weren’t spending so much money in the private school I was attending for nothing. They felt I would become immoral and so on. “No child of mine would be wayward, especially my daughter”, my dad would always say. I was the last child and the only daughter of my parents, I had three older brothers.

 I felt I was always overprotected by my entire family, even at my young age. Growing up in Oshodi, Lagos, surrounded by so many people and not being able to communicate with them was torture. I always obeyed my parents. But that day was different. Aunty Kelechi, my mum’s younger sister had picked me up from school and left the house immediately. Funny how I remember that day vividly but can’t remember where she told me she was going. It was past 5pm and my brothers weren’t back from school yet, I didn’t know why. My mum was also not back from work, she usually got home around 6. She had her own catering business. I was home alone and I liked being in the balcony. I enjoyed watching people pass by and especially the children playing. 

That was when it dawned on me that I could actually play with them because no one was home. I figured I had a lot of time before mum came home. Even if my brothers came back, they weren’t snitches. I went down and played with them. I played suwe, ten ten, cinderalla and so on. But what I enjoyed doing the most was dancing. I always danced in the comfort of my room or when I was taking my bath. I practiced every move I learnt on TV or anywhere. I danced only in my room because my mum thought dancing was a distraction from other important things I should be doing, like reading my books. So, dancing with other kids, giving them new moves, also learning new moves was fun for me.

 I didn’t know when time decided to abandon me. My mum had come home, so had my brothers who had no idea where I was. My mother asked them where I was and they said they didn’t meet me when they got home but they were sure I had returned from school, my school bag was in my room. That was when my mum went mad, according to what Ikenna, my eldest brother, told me. They didn’t have the simplest clue on where to look for me but mum had come down anyways. She hadn’t walked for 5 minutes when she saw me. I remember the beating I got that day, first from my mum, then she told my dad when he came home and I got round two beating.  I remember my mum yelling at Aunty Kelechi for leaving me alone in the house. I felt bad for Aunty Kelechi. 

The consistent talks that followed weren’t left out. “Lota, you must not be irresponsible, read your books and be focused, forget dancing”, my dad would always say, whenever he thought I wanted to shake my body. Call my parents old school, yeah, that’s exactly what they were. I never hung out with the hood kids again. I only had friends from school, who could be stuck up and full of themselves. But I never stopped my personal dance shows.

But that was 11 years ago. Yeah, I’m 19 now and I can recount another instance that made dancing prohibited. I was 14 in SS1 and a science student. Being a science student meant a lot of concentration, studying and less fun for me to my parents. I had this friend named Cynthia. She was very intelligent and my mum liked that I was hanging out with her. When I mean hanging out, I mean reading in each other’s house or the library. I didn’t have a problem with that though, I learnt a lot from her. She also learnt some dance moves from me. It didn’t affect our studies because it was just fun. Our school usually went for a dancing competition and it was that time of the year for the competition. We had never won and I wished I could go, but I always remembered my dad’s words, I had to be serious with my studies.

 One day, I and Cynthia were studying in her house. We took a little break and I decided to play “I can transform you” by Chris Brown from my ipod. Then, as always, I started dancing. Cynthia kept cheering me and even joined in dancing. 

When she was out of breath, she said to me, “Lota, you are a good dancer, why don’t you join the dance crew in school? You could even represent us in the competition.” 

I stared at Cynthia. “I can’t do that”, I simply said, turned off the music and went back to my books. 

Cynthia came to sit beside me. “Why can’t you do that?” she asked.

 “Because I have to concentrate on my studies”, I snapped at her.

 “Jeez, Lota, you don’t have to be rude”, Cynthia replied, surprised at my outburst. “I was just giving you a suggestion. Talent like yours shouldn’t waste in front of me. The world deserves to see you move your body.” 

“I’m sorry”, I apologized, “do you think I’m really good?”

 “Of course you are dear”, Cynthia reassured me. No one had ever said I was a good dancer, well, no one had really seen me dance. But it meant a whole lot coming from Cynthia, the smartest girl I knew.

 “But how will I combine dancing with chemistry, physics, biology, further maths—"

 “Lota, that’s why we are friends”, she cut me off. “I’ll help you with whatever you don’t understand. Right now, you need to dance.”

 If Cynthia said I could go for the competition, then I could. I smiled and gave her a big hug.

I joined the school’s dance crew the next day by auditioning. It wasn’t a difficult task. All of a sudden I was in the school’s dance crew. We had rehearsals during break and for 30 minutes after school. My membership in the dance crew was esoteric. Since my parents trusted Cynthia, the story was that we were both studying in school. I didn’t even tell my brothers, they were in the university, what was the point bothering them. Soon after, it was the middle of the term, we wrote our tests and as usual, Cynthia always came out the best. I did my best too. 

The competition was scheduled after our first term’s examinations. That meant I had limited time to study and go for rehearsals. But I did, I made sure I went for rehearsals and studied when I could. Cynthia kept her promise and helped me with school work. Our exams came soon enough and I wrote it with everything I got. We had taken a break from the rehearsals during exams, so as soon as exams ended, rehearsals continued with full force.

 The next week was the competition. It was an awesome experience. I met people who could dance and even the judges, like Kaffy, Peter of Psquare, were prominent dancers. Cynthia went with us, just for moral support. There were about 12 schools competing for the grand prize of #100, 000. Did I forget to say I was the lead dancer? Yeah, I was, I didn’t know how good I had gotten that one day during rehearsals, our dance instructor asked me to lead the crew. I was so exhilarated. Being the lead dancer meant a lot to me, my team mates loved me and looked up to me. It also meant hard work and a little scorn from some old members of the crew. Notwithstanding, I made sure we did our best in the competition. We got to the final round and we won. Yes! That day remains one of the best days of my life. Not to brag, but everyone couldn’t stop screaming Lotanna. We took a picture with the large cheque. It felt harmless at that moment but it would hurt a whole lot later on. 

The Christmas holidays arrived and my brothers came home from school. Soon after the festivities, my dad was reading the newspaper when he came to the entertainment section. He usually jumped that section, to him, it was a waste of time, but I still don’t know why he didn’t that day.

 “Lotanna!” my dad yelled my name. I ran out of my room with my mum following closely behind me.

 “What are you doing in this picture?” my dad asked me, showing me the picture we took the day of the competition. I was dumbfounded. I listened as he read the news, “Lotanna Isiuzo, lead dancer of Springs Secondary School, helped win the grand prize of #100,000 in the annual inter-school dancing competition. She is indeed a fire dancer, the world needs to watch out for her…”

 A smile had begun to form on my face but was painfully removed by a slap on my face. My mum should be given an award for slaps. 

“How many times have we warned you to stay away from dancing?” she asked me. “No wonder you were 4th position in class, because you were not concentrating.”

 I had tears in my eyes and I tried to defend myself. “Cynthia said I could dance even with my studies and I didn’t do bad—”

 Another slap shut me up. That was from my dad. 

Then Cynthia isn’t a good friend after all”, he said. 

“How many doctors have you seen dancing?” my mother yelled. My brothers had tried to intervene but they were shunned by my parents. “No child of mine will be wayward”, my dad finally said. To him, being a dancer meant his daughter was wayward.

Before the second term began, my dad had pulled strings and put me in a military boarding school in Ibadan. My ipod was taken from me, I cut my hair and I lost other privileges. I was banned from associating with Cynthia and most of all, banned from dancing. Cynthia only saw me during the holidays, from afar. I had become a very difficult person when I came back after the first term in the boarding school. I hardly spoke to my parents unless it was necessary. I stayed away from Cynthia and it hurt me a lot. I didn’t have friends.

 By the time I was in SS2 I had poured all my anger, hate, frustration and sadness into my studies and had risen to the 1st position. Then I didn’t want to be at home anymore. I started spending the holidays in Enugu with my Aunt Kelechi who had married. I thought to myself, anything to be away from my parents, and Cynthia, who I couldn’t talk to.  If my parents noticed the cold shoulder I was giving them, they didn’t say.

I had a wonderful WAEC result and my JAMB result was even better which enabled me get admission into the University of Nigeria, Nsukka as a medical student. Exactly what my parents wanted, they were so proud of their baby girl. Cynthia also got admission to study medicine in UNN too. Great! Just my luck!

 In first year, the med students stayed in the Nsukka campus but continued in the Enugu campus as from second year. University life was different from secondary school, I realized. We had lectures in large auditoriums and sometimes you don’t get a seat, you could stand for hours and no one cared. The first week in school was hell, but I got used to the routine in no time. I avoided Cynthia like a plague, seeing as that was almost impossible; we were classmates and stayed in the same hostel. Some of my classmates saw me as a snob. I couldn't care less, I didn’t come to make friends.

One day, a lecture wasn’t holding and I decided to read in class. Some girl came up to me, I didn’t know her name, “is this seat taken?” she asked.

 I didn’t know why I acted like a cat got my tongue. I just stared at her for about 3 seconds then went back to my reading. The girl scoffed and called me something under her breath before she walked away. Cynthia was watching and she came with her claws to pounce on me. This would be the first time we were speaking since the first day we saw in school. “What is your problem, Lotanna? Why do you keep acting like you own the place? Why are you such an annoying snob?” 

“Cynthia, watch your tone and mind your damn business”, I said simply without raising my head from my book. 

She took the book and flung it away. By then, some eyes were already on us.

 “I don’t know what happened to you in that boarding school, but you were such a sweet girl. Right now, I wish I didn’t know you”, Cynthia left me boiling in my chair and cursing under my breath. 

How dare she talk to me like that? I picked up my book and left the class. I didn’t know how much Cynthia’s words had hit me until I felt like I had been shot with arrows in my heart. I got to my room before I let my emotions take the better of me. Hot wrenching tears came freely from my eyes and I made up my mind to talk to Cynthia that night, no point dying in silence.

“Good evening, please is Cynthia around?” I asked the girl that answered the door when I knocked on Cynthia’s door.

 “Cynthia, you have a visitor”, the girl said as she opened the door wider and stepped aside for me to come in. Cynthia shot darts at me with her eyes but her words were simple, “Lota, how nice to see you, let’s go outside.” 

I followed her downstairs, then out of the hostel before she finally spoke, “what do you want Lotanna?” 

“Just hear me out Cynthia”, I began, “I know you don’t like me anymore, but I think I should tell you what happened. I owe you that at least.” 

Cynthia sighed, “okay, I’m listening.”

 I told her I avoided her because my parents said so. I told her I stopped spending my holidays at home because I couldn’t stand my parents and it reminded me that I couldn’t talk to her. “I don’t expect you to believe me, but that’s the truth. I became withdrawn, only my brothers and my aunty understood me.”

 Cynthia stayed quiet for a while just staring at me. “We are in the same school now, what stopped you from saying this in the beginning?”

 “I don’t know, Cynthia, maybe I didn’t think you’d want to be my friend again, maybe I was already used to being a lone wolf. I am sorry I let you down”, I said, almost in tears again. When she hugged me, I was dumbfounded, I never expected it. I hugged her back and let my tears come down freely.

 She helped me wipe them and said, “you don’t have to be alone here, you got me. I don’t hate you; I still love you very much.” I laughed then and we talked for a long time, catching up. 

The next day, we went for lectures together and I could feel eyes on us as we talked and laughed. She introduced me to some of her friends. I wasn’t much of a snob anymore. The days went by pretty well till it was time for first semester exams. My immediate elder brother, Obinna was in final year studying industrial chemistry at that time. I and Cynthia visited him sometimes and he put us through with some of the chemistry courses we were taking. The exams went well, I had the smartest and coolest friend ever to help me and a wonderful brother.

Second semester began soon enough. I and Cynthia visited Obinna once in a while and one day, Cynthia brought up the dance topic when we were in Obinna’s room. 

“There are a lot of dance crews here in school Lota, and I’ve seen what you can do, why don’t you join one?” 

Obinna looked at Cynthia briefly before looking at me. 

“I’m rusty, I’ve not danced in a long time Cynthia, and you of all people know why. Don’t bring this up again”, I said, sounding uninterested. 

Of course I had thought of dancing again, but I didn’t know if my brother was cool with it. “Cynthia is right, Lota, take a pick, join one of the crews, even the one in church, you must have heard of Federation theatre, they act too and it isn’t bad at all. I’ve been here long enough to tell you that this is the semester for a lot of events and parties. Don’t let talent like yours waste. I know mum and dad put fear in you but I, Ikenna and Ugonna are ready to back you up no matter what they say…”  

“I’m ready to back you up too”, Cynthia chipped in, which made us laugh.

Obinna smiled and continued, “my point is, be yourself my sweet sister. Dance if it makes you happy.” 

I jumped on Obinna and let out tears of joy. His encouragement meant a lot to me. 

“Okay, let’s get this party started”, Cynthia said as she played “Blow my mind” by Davido and Chris Brown from her phone. “I’ll be your tutor in academics”, she said, “but you gotta dance now.” Both of us started dancing and Obinna just watched us, smiling.

 On our way back to our hostel, Cynthia asked me a very funny question, “does Obinna have a girlfriend?”

 I stopped in my track and stared at her. “Cynthia, do you like my brother?” I asked her with humour in my eyes and tone.

 “Don’t laugh at me”, she pouted, “he’s good looking, smart, funny, caring and—"

 “And you like him”, I completed for her.

 “And I like him”, she finally said, with a smile on her face. 

“No, he doesn’t have a girlfriend”, I told her mischievously, “good luck wooing that one. We laughed at that and continued walking. 

I joined steppers dance crew and also federation theatre in church. Time became very precious to me, going for lectures, studying, attending rehearsals, keeping up with other chores. Where I couldn’t catch up, I had Cynthia to bring me up to date. A little after mid-semester, it was the time for departmental and faculty dinner nights. Even fellowships and other societies were having their end of session parties. My dance crew and federation theatre performed at so many events. It was mind blowing for me. I led some of the dance routines at some of the events. Though I was rusty before, I had gotten back on track and learnt more. 

My brother and Cynthia were seeing more of each other without me and when he asked her to be his date at his departmental dinner, she almost blocked my ears when she told me. Having a brother in another department was advantageous. I had a solo performance at his dinner. I danced to Sia’s “house on fire”, Burna boy’s “on the low” and Chris brown’s “zero” in my routine. On stage, you have to keep going, even if your best friend and brother are screaming your name at one side of the hall, your dance crew members cheering you at another end and other people you didn’t know too keep screaming. It was a wonderful night. My brother got awards and I was rewarded by other people there that night for my performance, apart from the normal pay I received.

That night, someone approached me. He wasn’t a student but a visitor, a friend of one of the finalists. He said he was a dance instructor and that there was a dance competition coming up soon in Lagos, if I was interested, I should contact him. He gave me his card. I didn’t know how I felt about that. My parents lived in Lagos. If I went home, won’t they oppose? So many thoughts were swimming in my head. I told Obinna about it. We agreed that I’d go to Lagos for the holidays and I’d stay with my eldest brother Ikenna, if my parents wouldn’t let me go for the competition. 

Exams came quickly, we wrote them and soon it was time to go home. I and Cynthia were leaving Nsukka campus, so we were a little sad. We went back to Lagos together and my second brother, Ugonna came to pick us at the park. 

“Lota baby, you’ve grown oh, even you Cynthia”, my brother couldn’t stop checking us out. We dropped Cynthia at her house before going to ours. Ugonna told me he had heard the gist from school, my dancing, Obinna and Cynthia’s quiet relationship and the dance competition coming up soon. 

“You are well informed oh, bro Ugonna. Though I’m wondering, is it from your degree in Mass communication or from Obinna?”  I jokingly asked and got a well deserved punch on my shoulder. We laughed and talked more till we got home.

 My mum ran out of the house to hug me. “Look at my baby girl”, she planted kisses all over my face, “my baby girl is now in the university.” 

She made it sound like I was just going to the university. I couldn’t blame her, I wasn’t home when I got admission. It was then I realized I had missed my mum and still loved her, despite our differences. She took me inside and ordered Ugonna to bring in my bags. “My daughter”, my dad said as soon as we got to the living room. I threw myself on him. Yeah, I had missed my dad too. The little welcome was topped with rice and chicken with juice. I ate well and slept like a baby.

The holidays started out well, I saw Cynthia once a while, my parents had all but forgotten they asked me to stay away from her when I told them she was studying medicine too in my school. The only thing I did secretly was attend dance rehearsals with the dance instructor I met in school. Towards the day of the competition, Obinna was already back from school. My brothers decided it was time to tell my parents to let me live my life as a dancer. It started as a normal visit, when Ikenna came to the house that evening and started the conversation.

 “Mum, dad, you both know we respect you and love you. We are grateful for the sacrifices that you had to make for us achieve our goals. I’m a civil engineer doing well, Ugonna works as a journalist. Obinna has graduated as an industrial Chemist and our baby Lota is studying medicine. I’d say you both have done a wonderful job. We’d never disrespect you, but my brothers and I have come to a conclusion that if Lota wants to dance, she should dance—”

At that statement, my parents who were smiling stopped. My mum wanted to interrupt but Ikenna continued… “and to tell you how serious we are, she’s going for a dance competition in a few days. If you won’t accept it, she’ll stay with me. I’m done talking”, Ikenna finished.

 Everyone was silent for a moment, until my father spoke. I had my heart in my hands when he spoke.

 “For her to go for a competition, she must have been dancing, which means she disobeyed us and you, her brothers were aware.” I was about to say something but my dad raised his hand, “let me finish. You’ve been a good student, obviously doing well in school and above all you’re a good daughter. I can’t deny the good things. Dancing, to my surprise, hasn’t made you wayward or a bad student and I can’t keep denying you that which makes you happy. I knew you weren’t happy with our ban on dancing, but I only thought it was for your good. If you want to dance now, you dance in this house, not Ikenna’s”, he looked at Ikenna. “I’m proud of you Lotanna and I love you.” 

I didn’t know I held my breath until he was done talking. I jumped on him and kissed him on his cheeks. “Thank you daddy, thank you so much”, I wept with tears of joy. 

I looked at my mum, expecting her to oppose my dad but she opened her arms for me and I rushed into them. 

Obinna started clapping and Ugonna said, “well, this calls for a celebration, I’ll get wine. Obinna, play some songs let our dancer dance for us. Ikenna spray some money.” 

We laughed as he went in to get the wine and some glasses. Obinna played Umu Obiligbo’s “culture” and I showed them what I could do best. Cynthia almost blocked my ears with her screams again when I told her the good news.

The dance competition came and I was third, I had a good prize and I knew I’d do better the next year because things were better now, I had my entire family’s support, my best friend’s support and the zeal to keep getting better. Some of my results came out and I did extremely well. I was fine. I dared to dance!