The other side of me 1

                   Muse: Rihanna                                    

“How could you do this, how could you be so selfish?” Lorena asked Sergio, almost in tears.

“Don’t you understand Lorena, I did this to save you, to protect you”, Sergio said, after a shot of tequila.

“No, you can’t keep—”

“I’ll do it over and over again if I have to, Lorena. I’ll do anything to protect you.”

“That’s wrong Sergio”, Lorena said, heading towards the door. She couldn’t believe Sergio had actually lied against his father in court and put him in prison. All in the name of protecting her. She turned around to look at him, the man she loved, “you can’t keep hurting people Sergio, I won’t let you do that. Even if I have to leave you. I’m sorry Sergio, but this is goodbye.” Lorena left the house with a confused Sergio screaming her name.

                                                                                                        ***

Kosarachi turned off the flat screen TV with the remote in her hand as the Spanish song filled the air, indicating the end of the episode of the telenovela she loved. She scoffed, stood and headed to her kitchen to fix a quick dinner of noodles and fried egg. She took out two packs of her favorite noodles, Indomie's onion chicken flavor and thought about the telenovela she just saw, “All about Lorena”. She didn’t understand why Lorena was so upset with Sergio. She wished someone could be half as selfish for her as Sergio was for Lorena. She wished someone loved her so much to not care about any other thing or person. But she understood too well that love was for the weak. She understood that no one would be selfish for her, after what she’d gone through. Only Sara Williams, her alter ego, cared about her.

She wondered what her mother would have thought about her new name over and over again. She felt a feeling of Evanescence whenever she thought of her mother. Her face, kept fading away from her mind everyday. Her mother had loved the name she gave her daughter, Kosarachi, which meant “talk to God”, literally. In other words, tell God everything going on with you, because he’s supposedly always there. She scoffed because she didn’t believe that. She didn’t have the faith her mother had, even after her father abandoned both of them when she was 4. She didn’t understand why her mother remained so faithful to God. 

God didn’t bring her father back even though she told him to. God didn’t heal her mother when she fell ill, even when she told him. God didn’t let her mother live even after she begged him. God didn’t give her a good home to live in, after taking away the only person that had ever cared for her or be selfish for her. God didn’t rescue her from her uncle Chike who used her to hustle drugs in Onitsha, even when she pleaded. He couldn’t even kill Uncle Chike after he kept molesting her sexually at the age of 13, when she pleaded with him. God didn’t love her. God wasn’t there. God wasn’t listening to her. So, she had stopped telling him anything. She realized she was the only one that could love herself. She created Sara Williams, when she ran away from Uncle Chike's house with a lot of money that wasn’t hers. A lot of money that belonged to Uncle Chike.

She used some of the money to locate her father, Emenike Igwe, who lived in Abuja.  Emenike Igwe was a wealthy man and was married with two kids. Sara didn’t care about them, she almost hated them, but it wasn’t their fault that her father was an asshole. She reprimanded him and told him that she would expose him to his wife and family if he didn’t settle her with money. She needed lots of it to be invisible. Her uncle had sent his boys after her. She had escaped them all the time but she needed to go under the radar. She remembered how she had evaded them a day after she had run away.

Her father had agreed to her terms as long as she remained silent. He saw her through her secondary school and University education, as long as she didn’t reveal her true identity. His reputation was more important to him than his daughter. To the entire world, Kosarachi was Sara Williams which meant Kosarachi  didn’t exist. She was proud of the name she had coined for herself. Sara was derived from Kosarachi and Williams was her maternal grandfather's name. She studied Computer science in the University of Jos and graduated with a first class degree. By then, she was as far away from Chike as she thought she could be. But she never stopped watching her back. She didn’t accept free rides or tips. The only thing she believed in was herself. 

After her youth service year, she got a good job at Planotech Games in Lagos and cut ties with her father. She knew everything about him but he knew nothing about her. That was cool with her, she didn’t need anything from him and she didn’t want to be tied to anyone. She didn’t keep friends too, they were a liability. She only used people for her needs at the moment and  discarded them when she was done. She had no choice. She had to keep her distance from people as much as she could. That was the only way she thought she would survive. 

She had also never been in love, love was for the weak. She couldn’t be a romantic. Whenever she thought of sex, she thought of Uncle Chike hurting her and she never wanted to feel that again. There was someone during her University days that had wanted a romantic relationship with her. Joseph was sweet and he mooned over her but she didn’t want anything serious or deep. She learned a lot from him though, from coding to hacking. She even shared a kiss or two with him but it never went far. She cut of communication with him as soon as she defended her project. She wondered what Joseph thought of her, the crazy bitch who used him and left him. Oh well, he had only known Sara, not Kosarachi.

The smell of fried egg brought her thoughts back to the present, to her apartment. She could boast of this apartment, where she could do anything she wanted. She took her plate of noodles to her small living room. The living room had a center glass table with a flower vase on it. The flower vase housed a bunch of fake, sweet scenting red roses. Kosarachi liked flowers but she couldn’t have a garden at the moment. Her walls were adorned with beautiful art works. There was a painting of the solar system. That was her favorite because she felt the universe was beautiful. There was also a painting of a forest, maybe it was the Amazon. She hoped to travel the world someday and be far away from her problems. 

There were no portraits of hers. She hated pictures of herself and she found that good for her. No need leaving traces of herself behind. The walls were painted urban grey and the tiles were creamy. Her living room also had a little bar filled with wines, red and white, and creams. She sat on one of the three black couches she had and turned on the TV again. She decided to watch some music videos as she ate her dinner with a bottle of Joven. Not long after, she retired for the night, she had to work tomorrow. The weekend was over.

                                 ***

“Shrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”. Kosarachi jumped out of her bed with a curse, her alarm was really annoying but it was good for her. She had long out grown the nightmares she usually had. She turned it off and pushed her duvet away from her. Her bedroom housed a bed covered with white bedsheets and a thick duvet. To her left was her work desk, where her laptop sat majestically. She also had a shelf filled with books, novels about romance, mystery, fantasy, science, books about the tech world, magazines about fashion. She was a voracious reader, it came with being a loner. To her left was her vanity, where all her cosmetics rested, directly under a mirror.

She stretched and made her bed before heading to the bathroom. It was 5:30am. She had to wake up that early every week day to put up the Sara Williams appearance. Kosarachi was a fair skinned lady who used glasses because of her myopia, while Sara was the fair skinned lady who wore contacts. Kosarachi was the simple lady, who cut her hair and dyed it gold, while Sara was the lady who had lots of expensive wigs, short, long, wavy and in different colors. Kosarachi dressed very simply at home and was a bit nicer. Sara was a boss bitch who didn’t care about anything or anyone but herself. Well, Sara and Kosarachi both wore the gold stud jewelry on the right nostril. Sara never left the house without makeup, her lipstick, eyeliner, lashes, foundation, eyeshadow etc. Kosarachi could be bare, she liked her space and didn’t socialize much. Sara could at least accommodate one friend.

This Monday morning, Sara decided to wear red lipstick and her short black bob wig that stopped at her jaw. She wore a tight navy skirt with a slit at the front right side. She chose a white shirt with Pearl buttons. She matched it with a pair of navy heels and also carried a navy blue Armani handbag. She didn’t bother with earrings. At about 6:45am, she left her apartment at Yaba to beat the third mainland bridge traffic. Planotech was situated in Ikoyi. Sara didn’t own a car, she didn’t want to attract attention to herself. She either booked an Uber whenever she had to go out or she used the cab driver that she had gotten used to. Her cab was already waiting for her. She enjoyed her ride to the office, listening to the news and some music. She arrived at Planotech at about 7:30am. Sara was a punctuality freak. She got to her desk and arranged it. She turned on her computer and prepared for the day’s tasks. At about 7:45am, her colleague and the only person she considered her friend arrived. 

“Of course, the early bird is here, tell me, do you sleep here Sara?” Nifemi joked as he headed to his desk.

Sara smiled mischievously, “good morning to you too Nifemi.”

Sara watched him as he arranged his desk. He brought out his glass case and set it on his desk. Yeah, Nifemi wore glasses, sometimes. She remembered the first time they met, which was her first day in the office. He was so nice to her, he didn’t look at her with disdain because of her nose ring or her heavy makeup. He didn’t inhale sharply because of the purple contacts she wore or her red wig. The HR had accepted her plainly because of her credentials and not because of her look.

Nifemi had introduced himself simply, “hi, I’m Nifemi Uzondu and welcome to Planotech.”

“I’m Sara Williams”, Sara had said, “Sara without an “h””, she quickly added.

Nifemi had smiled and revealed his perfect dentition, “well, Sara without an “h” you and I would be making games together, what do you say, partner?” 

“I say, game on, partner”, Sara had replied that day, shaking his hand. Since then, she had gotten a bit close to him. Close enough to discuss movies and games. Nifemi was tall, with perfectly trimmed beards all the time. He was the perfect example of a Yoruba demon, dark and handsome and sexy. She wasn’t prepared to get attracted to him. She couldn’t control her imaginations. Sometimes she imagined taking off his glasses and crushing her lips on his, while she ran her fingers through his hair. She imagined his tongue down her throat while she sat on his desk and wrapped her legs round him…

“Did you see “All about Lorena”, last night?” Nifemi asked, bringing Sara back to reality.

“Uh, yea-, yes, yes, I saw it”, Sara stuttered a bit and tried to recollect her thoughts. How was she thinking of this? Those thoughts usually disgusted her.

“Sergio must really love Lorena”, Nifemi said.

“She doesn’t deserve his love, he’ll do anything for her and she’s just annoying. She left him, just because of his statement in court, to save her. She’s crazy.” Sara didn’t realize how angry she was at the fictional character Lorena.

Nifemi laughed, “hey, take it easy. I am not Lorena but I completely understand her. She’s a good girl.”

Sara only scoffed. If she could get someone who would do anything for her, she’d hold on to that person. She looked at Nifemi again and a thought crossed her mind. Nifemi always talked about his girlfriend, Raven. Sara had met her twice. She had seen her once when Raven decided to pay Nifemi a surprise visit at the office. Raven had taken one good look at Sara and Sara had deducted that the girlfriend didn’t like her much. The girl with the nose ring, purple contacts and excellent makeup. The second meeting wasn’t a delightful one. Nifemi and Sara had gone out for lunch together and again Raven had showed up unannounced. She had waited for them to return to the office.

“Guess what, I decide to bring you lunch since I’m in the area and I’m told you went out with her”, Raven had said to Nifemi, eyeing Sara with a food flask in her hand.

Nifemi had been a bit surprised at her outburst. “We went out for lunch, Raven.”

“Exactly”, Sara had chipped in.

“I wasn’t talking to you. Don’t ever speak to me again”, Raven had raged back.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re very well excused, ashawo kobo kobo —”

“Raven! What is your problem?” Nifemi was astonished. “You don’t speak to my colleague that way.”

Okay, Raven had gone way too far. Sara would have given her a piece of her mind but she respected Nifemi a lot. She stared at Raven and smiled before walking out on both of them. She could hear Nifemi still trying to calm his girlfriend down. He had apologized to Sara later that day but she had decided she wouldn’t hangout with him outside the office. No need attracting attention to herself. She thought of ways to make Raven feel as bad as she felt and the universe seemed to have dropped the idea on her laps already.

Nifemi seemed to love Raven. He sent her lots of gifts on her birthday, texted her, called her and always talked about her, whenever he thought Sara wouldn’t kill him. Sara wanted that attention. She had never thought she’d want it but she did, with this guy. Her thoughts and plans were selfish, but she’d do it. She didn’t know how to but she had read enough romantic novels and seen enough movies to help her achieve her goal. She’d get Nifemi to leave Raven for her. Raven didn’t deserve him anyway and it’d be like killing two birds with a stone. Make Raven suffer while she enjoyed some attention from someone else. Besides, Kosarachi would be proud. She checked the time and it was 7:59am, it was time to work.