The other side of me 10

 

Photo from Google: a part of Lagos

ToLagos would always be Lagos. The traffic would always be annoying and the place would always be full of people, except the government decided to create jobs in the other states of the country. Lagos was filled with opportunities. People came from different parts of the country to Lagos to make money. And not just from other parts of the country, but other parts of the world. It had its bad sides but it also had its good sides. Lagos had beaches that were beautiful and different places to actually hang out. If you were the type that loved going out. There were cinemas, different restaurants, gaming places, tourist attractions and so on.

 Kosarachi wasn’t the type that went out except absolutely necessary. It came from being on the run for a long time. But that was over now. Her life wasn’t in danger anymore. Her father didn’t want her identity to be hidden anymore. She could be who she wanted to be. She would visit all the places she had admired but never been. She would tour Lagos as much as possible. And she wouldn’t do it alone. She was willing to make friends now. There was no point in being alone. She also believed she’d tour the rest of the world. Oh, she couldn’t wait for the rest of her life to begin.

After two months of being in Abuja, which was great, she actually missed Lagos. She missed her job at Planotech and her apartment. She even missed her barber. Her hair had grown out the last  months and she had strips of black underneath her gold hair. It wasn’t bad looking though. Ada, her younger sister had pleaded with her to let her hair grow, she had obliged. It wouldn’t be bad to look different too.

She missed other things about Lagos but she didn’t miss the traffic. After landing at about 4pm at the Murtala Muhammed Airport in Ikeja, she was still stuck in traffic at 6pm, on her way to Ojuelegba. It was raining and it was a Saturday. Lagosians were known for owambe, so the traffic was expected. But rain and Lagos and owambe was equal to terrible traffic. She should have gone straight home but she just couldn’t bring herself to get home first. She needed to see him.

 She needed to see Nifemi.

She hadn’t told him she was back in town or that she was coming over. She chastised herself in the backseat of the Uber she had ordered as she thought of her impulsive behavior. What if he wasn’t home? What if he had gone to Ikorodu to be with his parents or he had gone to Ogbomoso to see Mama? What if he was out with friends? What if he didn’t want to see her? She had reduced her communication with him when her therapy started. She needed her mind to be completely free of attachments. Maybe she shouldn’t have, but Nifemi wanted to know how she was everyday. Her father had gotten her a new phone after the one she had got missing. Thanks to Obi.

 It was easy for her to communicate freely. She remembered the conversation she had with Nifemi one evening after therapy.

“Hello,” she said when she picked the call.

“Hi,” he replied, “how are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” she had said.

“How was your day? How was therapy?” he asked her.

“Therapy was good. My day was good. Uhm, Nifemi, I’d like to ask you a favor.”

“What’s that?” he was eager to help.

“I know you care about me and I know you want to make sure I’m fine. And I am. Sandra and her kids are wonderful. Emenike keeps beating me in all the games and it’s embarrassing cos I’m a gamer. Ada is a fashion freak; she wants to know everything about my clothes. She even wants her hair dyed like mine and her nose pierced. Such an energetic girl. Sandra wants to kill me with food. Oh my God, she’s a wonderful cook. Then my father is doing his best to catch up with all the time he had lost in my life. It’s wonderful. I have everything I need. New glasses, new contact lenses, new clothes, and a new nose ring. And I’m even going to church with them. I used to be so angry at God but now I’m not so angry. Which is a good thing, I guess.”

She paused, just to make sure he was listening. Then continued.

“I know I haven’t asked how Chika took the death of Raven. I sometimes feel I shouldn’t have everything at once. The care, the attention but I have it. I want you to give me some time to think about us. Don’t call me unless I call you, don’t text unless I do. I don’t know if you can do this for me.”

She would have sworn she heard his heart break.

 And hers too, but she needed to be away from him to know what she really wanted.

“Okay Kosarachi. Whatever you want. Just be safe and be good. We’ll talk about Raven when you can. Be happy too because you deserve it.” Nifemi responded after what seemed like eternity.

They had talked about work and the call had ended amicably. So she thought. That was about a month ago. He hadn’t called except she did. He hadn’t texted too. He did what she asked him to do and now she was the one wanting. Those days without hearing his voice had her wanting, yearning. She wanted his attention again and his care. She wanted his love. She wanted everything about him because she was so sure of herself now. She was in love with him.

 The therapist Sandra had recommended was marvelous. Doctor Samira Amir was a friend of Sandra’s and very good at her job. She was beautiful and nice. She had sessions with Kosarachi thrice a week. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. She listened to Kosarachi with an open mind and helped her connect deeply with every part of herself. Kosarachi remembered one of her sessions in Doctor Samira’s office as she glided through the streets of Lagos. She laid on the couch, with her eyes on the ceiling while Doctor Sami, as she liked to call her asked her questions.

“Who is Kosarachi?” Doctor Samira asked, a note and pen in her palm.

“Kosarachi is a 25 year old lady who has been through a lot. She lost her mom when she was really young, after her father had left them. She had to stay with a relative who sexually assaulted her. She ran away and she kept running for a long time. Kosarachi is meek and a bit nice. She’s shy and doesn’t really like to associate with people. She prefers being alone, even if she cared for someone.”

“Okay dear. So who is Sara Williams?”

Kosarachi smiled, “Sara is crazy. Sara is the person I created to help me deal with the world. She’s selfish and ruthless. She’s intelligent and bold. I let people meet her first. If she doesn’t find them worthy, they’d never meet Kosarachi. Most times they never meet Kosarachi. It’s easier to put up with people as Sara because she doesn’t get attached, she uses people instead. She’s stronger. She cares about us more that anything.” Her smile wavered a bit.

“Although, of recent, Kosarachi did something ruthless and Sara became attached to someone. I don’t know what happened. They both have been doing things they never should have done.”

“What makes you think Sara is so different from Kosarachi?” Doctor Samira finally asked.

“I just told you how different they are,” Kosarachi responded, looking at Doctor Samira.

“Yes, you did. And you also said how Kosarachi did things only Sara could do and Sara also did what Kosarachi should do.”

“Yes, I said that.”

“Do you still think Kosarachi and Sara are so different?”

Kosarachi sat up then and faced Doctor Samira.

“Doctor Sami, it’s been a while Sara came. Since that incident, the one were Kosarachi was ruthless. Sara has been silent. And Kosarachi has been associating with people. Kosarachi is talking to you and bonding with a family she didn’t think she wanted. Kosarachi isn’t so shy anymore or afraid.”

Doctor Samira smiled, “you see, Kosarachi. Terrible things could happen to us in this life and we feel the best way to deal with it is to create something, create someone that we feel is stronger than us. Someone who can take all the pain. What we call dissociated identity. In your case dear, you went through a lot as a child. From what you told me, sexually assaulted, been rejected by your father, running away to save your life, blaming yourself for people’s death, being kidnapped and finally, taking a life. Kosarachi you have gone through a lot. I’m not surprised you created an alter ego. That helped you live to this very moment.”

Doctor Samira paused for a moment before she continued.

“I want you to realize right now that Kosarachi and Sara are not so different, even if you have differences. Accept that you have flaws because you’re human. Accept that you can make mistakes, because you are human. Accept that there is no perfect being and you would appreciate yourself more. Sara got attached to someone openly, something Kosarachi would do. Kosarachi became bold and broke out of her shell. She even relates more with people. You think Sara has become silent, no, she’s not. She’s letting you accept her as you. She’s letting you decide what you want to be. Sara and Kosarachi can become one, if you want.”

Kosarachi had inhaled and exhaled deeply. Maybe Doctor Sami was right. If she could accept herself, every part of herself. If she could love herself more, she would be fine, right? She had gone home that day and thought deeply about that day’s session. Could she actually be one person? 

In the next sessions, Doctor Sami had helped her dissect every part of herself. She had connected to Sara's thoughts and Kosarachi’s thoughts. Doctor Sami had said she was lucky, most people with dissociated identity didn’t remember what the other personality did, but she could. She wasn’t so broken. In the end, Kosarachi had learned to love and appreciate herself. Then she talked about Nifemi with Doctor Sami. How he made her feel, how he was always there for her. Doctor Sami had told her that she was the only one who could say whether she was in love with Nifemi or not. It took a while, but she finally accepted that she loved him. And she didn’t just love him, she loved her sister and brother. She loved Sandra and she loved her father. They had been supportive of her and helped her in everything. Kosarachi loved. It was a wonderful feeling.

Her family had been sad to see her go after the sessions, especially Ada.

“Do you have to go back to Lagos?” Ada demanded, she was helping her pack in her room.

“Yes, Adaobi. I have to go back to Lagos because I work there and you also would be going to school.”

“But you could work here. Dad knows people. Dad has businesses. God knows you could work anywhere you want and it’d be easy to see you. And my school is the University of Abuja.” Ada pouted.

“I have to go to Lagos. There’s someone I have to see. Remember the guy we talked about.”

“Oh yes, the Nifemi guy. Awwn, that’s sweet. But we could always fly him here whenever you want to see him.” Ada countered.

Kosarachi laughed wholeheartedly. Her sister was a character.

“Or you could always fly over to Lagos whenever you want to see me. How about that?”

Ada thought for a while then said, “well, that sounds fair enough.”

“Then we’re good.” Kosarachi put the rest of her folded clothes into her box.

“I’m going to miss you,” Ada said, sadly.

Kosarachi dropped the shoes she held on the bed and pulled Ada into a hug.

“Don’t be sad, baby. I’m going to miss you too. But guess what, we have our whole lives ahead of us. There’s still time. Besides, I can always visit too.”

“Were you thinking of not visiting before? I’ll personally kidnap you from Lagos.” Ada had said. 

They had laughed at that and finished packing. Her father had offered to drop her at the airport, instead of her using one of the drivers. Emenike Jr. tagged along too. He was…

“Madam? Madam? We’ve gotten to your destination. Are you okay?” a voice jolted Kosarachi out of her thoughts. She blinked and looked around. She was in front of the building where Nifemi’s apartment was located. The voice belonged to the Uber driver. She was so lost in thoughts that she didn’t know when they got there.

“Should I end the trip?” he asked her.

“Yes, please end it.” She was so embarrassed. She made the payment and alighted from the car. The Uber driver helped bring out her boxes from the boot. Thank God the rain had stopped.

Two boxes. 

She had gone to Abuja with nothing but a polo and jeans. Now, she owned two boxes of clothes and shoes. How nice was that? She thanked the Uber driver and pulled her boxes towards the gate, by their handles. She went through the brown gate, noticing the color for the first time. She kept pulling the boxes, with her Prada hand bag, hanging on her right shoulder till she got to Nifemi’s door. Thank God Nifemi lived on the ground floor. Lifting the boxes wasn’t going to be funny. She noticed the door wasn’t locked from outside and even heard faint voices from inside. This meant he was home, right? She hoped he was home alone. She took in a deep breath before she knocked on his door.

                                                                  ***

Nifemi sat in his living room with the TV remote in his hand. He had his leg on his center table, a habit his mother had tried hard so hard to shout out of him. He couldn’t help it. He was home alone which meant he could relax and do whatever he wanted. He was wearing a basketball jersey and basketball shorts. His hair wasn’t a mess. He liked to look good, even if he was at home. His Saturdays were usually for Raven. Then there was Kosarachi. 

Raven. Her death was still a shock to him. He remembered how devastated his sister had been. He avoided telling her about all the drama that surrounded her death. He just told her that the police had notified him of her death. 

She asked questions, obviously. So had her family. What had she been doing in Onitsha? How had she died? Who had killed her? Detective Maurice was more than able to provide the constructed responses. No one knew why Raven was in Onitsha but she had been in contact with a drug lord who eventually had killed her. The drug lord was also dead, as the police caught him. Every now and then for the past few months, he thought about that weekend and wondered if he’d ever tell his sister what had exactly happened. Would it be fair to tell her that her friend had been crazy and jealous and that had led to her death? He kept thinking about it and didn’t have an answer.

Then there was the woman. The woman who had stolen his heart. Kosarachi. He wondered from time to time how she was. She had asked that their communication should only be when she called him. He had respected her wish but it hurt him so much. He missed her and wanted to be there for her.

Then there was work. Kosarachi was his partner and now he had to do all the work himself. His bosses didn’t ask him questions about her because her father had spoken to them. Having a wealthy father must be really great.  He wondered if she’d ever work again.

He dipped his hand into the bowl of popcorn on his couch and picked a handful. He threw it into his mouth and munched it while he enjoyed the movie playing on his plasma TV. He was seeing an old movie titled “Are we there yet?” It was hilarious. That was what he needed these days. The scene playing was when Nick was attacked by a deer after the son of the woman he loved had thrown up in his car. 

A knock on his door surprised him. He wasn’t expecting anyone and it was already evening. Who would visit him at this hour? Chika wouldn’t show up unannounced. His landlord didn’t make such visits. Another knock on the door made him scramble to his feet. He paused his movie and dragged his feet to the door. Should he ask who it was, he thought to himself. Before he could answer that thought, he went to the kitchen to pick up a knife, just in case it was a burglar. He walked back to the door and unlocked it.

 He wouldn’t have been surprised if it was a burglar. He wouldn’t have been so surprised if it  was Chika or his landlord. But who he saw surprised him more than he could imagine. Standing at the door with two travelling boxes was Kosarachi. She wore glasses that were purple and shaped like cat eyes. Her hair had grown out so it was black and gold. She wore a blue jean trouser and a purple sleeveless top. The girl must really love purple. She had her nose ring on and a pair of stud, gold earrings. She also had no makeup on, her face had healed too. She wore a gold wristwatch on her right wrist and a gold bracelet on her left wrist. Her feet were adorned with a pair of black sneakers. Her right ankle was beautified with a gold anklet, which Nifemi hadn’t seen before. He liked it on  her. She looked extremelyremely beautiful. He didn’t realize he was staring.

“Hi,” her voice brought him out of his awe.

“Err, hi,” was all he could say.

“Is the knife for me?” she asked. Her eyes darting to the knife in his hand.

“Err, sorry. I thought you were a burglar or something.” Nifemi said, staring at the knife in his hand too.

“May I come in?” she asked politely.

“Y-yes. Yes, please, come in. Forgive my manners.”

He helped her with one of the boxes and she pulled the other one into the apartment. They left the boxes at the door and they walked to the living room. 

Nifemi placed the knife on the center table.

“Please, sit. Do you want anything?” he asked her as she sat on the couch were his bowl of popcorn sat. That was the big couch facing the TV. She didn’t rest her back but sat straight.

“I’m okay, Nifemi.” She answered.

“Okay,” he sat down on the couch closest to the one she sat on.

“How are you?” she asked him.

“How do you think?” 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that.” She rubbed her hands together. She looked shy and nervous.

Nifemi sat upright and looked at her, “what are you doing here, Kosarachi? When did you get back from Abuja?”

“I just got back. I came here from the airport.”

“Why?”

“You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?”

“Make what easy for you, Kosarachi? I haven’t heard from you in weeks and you show up at my door. Unannounced. Surely I deserve to ask some questions and get some answers.”

“Yes, yes you do deserve some answers. That’s why I’m here.”

Nifemi rested his back on the couch and crossed his legs, “I’m listening.”

“I’m out of therapy. Doctor Sami said I am fine and if I still need to talk to her that she’s always going to be there for me.”

“That sounds great,” Nifemi said flatly.

She exhaled and continued talking, “Nifemi, I’m sorry I shut you out these past weeks. I needed to deal with some personal things. I had to deal with myself. I…” she exhaled deeply again. “I had to know who I was. I had to learn to love who I was. I had to learn what love meant. It was something I needed to do on my own.”

Nifemi hadn’t taken his eyes off her since she spoke. She was different. In a good way. And he understood that she needed time to herself. It was just a bit fun seeing her fidget.

“Do you know who you are now?” he asked her.

“I do. I am a young lady with flaws and mistakes. I am a young lady who has gone through so much but is still strong. I am a young lady who is ready to make amends for the wrongs she’s done and who’s willing to learn. I am a young lady who isn’t perfect. I am me. I am Sara and Kosara. And my name is Kosarachi Igwe.”

Nifemi smiled and leaned forward. He was inches away from her. “That’s really, really good, Kosarachi. Guess what, you’re amazing just the way you are.”

She smiled, “thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for?” he asked, standing. He wanted to get them both something to drink. He wanted to keep his distance from her more.

She stood and blocked him from moving. She took his hand in hers and stepped closer to him, “Thank you for being there for me. Thank you, Nifemi, for believing in me when no one else did. Thank you for seeing me as amazing before anyone else. Thank you for taking risks for me. Thank you for accepting me, even before I accepted myself. Thank you for not hating the other side of me. Thank you for loving me.”

She was so close to him now. So close, he wanted to pull her in. To kiss her but he had promised himself that he would wait until she’s ready to love him. If she ever would.

He swallowed hard, “you’re welcome, dear. Let me get something for us to drink.” He tried pulling his hand away from hers but she held on to it.

“I’m not thirsty,” she said, closing up the last space between them.

“What do you want, Kosarachi?” Nifemi asked, resting his forehead on hers.

“Remember what you told me at the hospital, that I knew where to find you if I needed you. I don’t just want you, Nifemi. I need you because I love you. I want you to be mine. If you’ll have me, I’m all yours.”

Her lips were inches from his. He couldn’t believe what he just heard. She said she loved him. Kosarachi actually said she loved him.

“Are you serious?”

“I am serious. I know there’s still much to talk about, but this is important to me. I want to do this with you. You are important to—”

He didn’t let her finish her statement because he claimed her mouth. Sure he knew what she was going to say, he was important to her. She was important to him too. The kiss was sweet and soft.

“I love you too, baby. Always.” He said, before kissing her again. This time the kiss was deep. It wasn’t sensual but filled with all the love he had for her. He was willing to go through life with her. One step at a time. 

                                                       ***

Kosarachi couldn’t believe it. She had gotten the love of her life. He still loved her. It was exhilarating. The butterflies that had been dancing in her belly had flown to her brain as he kissed her. She laughed.

“What?” Nifemi asked.

“My birthday is the day after tomorrow. I promised you I’d tell you.”

“Really? I guess we’d celebrate again.

“I guess so, she wrapped her arms round his neck and he held her waist.

“Will you spend the night? It’s late and I don’t want you outside at this hour. Besides, I want to cuddle you to sleep. I promise just to cuddle you,” he quickly added when she laughed at his statement. “I also want to make you breakfast tomorrow while you sleep.”

“Cuddles and breakfast in bed, how can I refuse such an offer?” And she kissed him.

                         The End!

Thank you all so much for reading, for going through this journey with me. It was an honor writing The other side of me and presenting it to y'all. I love you and I look forward to more stories.